Changes - Chapter 9

Chapter 9 I came into the house late that evening, exhausted and feeling like I had betrayed Pete. I thought about it the whole car ride home. I was a good wife, usually. I let myself get carried away with William. Still, right now my inner self is fucking with me, because all I can think of his the fact the William said he was in fact attracted to me. I can't imagine my life without Pete, he has always been my life. My heart took the lead and reminded me that I would be crazy if the situation were reversed and there was a photo of Pete looking at someone, the way I was looking at William.

My fantasy was not fun when it intertwined with my reality. Pete has never been the jealous type, I can remember years ago, teasing him with things other men had said to me, just to get his attention sometimes. It didn't work. He's not built that way. I needed to make light of the situation. I wasn't planning on showing him the photo, unless he asked me to. I would never admit to my secret crush and I would reassure him that I loved him. That was the plan, but when I opened the door, I saw him in his chair with his laptop, he closed it and stared at me.

I said, "Hey," and tears filled my eyes, so much for my planning. I pounced on top of his lap and lost my breath as I tried to explain, "I'm sorry, I feel so guilty Pete, I didn't do anything, there's nothing, really. I would never, you know that right?" I rambled and he didn't say anything for a long while. "Your telling me things, but you obviously feel different or you wouldn't be so upset." He barely held me, I couldn't tell if he was mad or not? "I just, I've never felt so distant from you Pete, and it's been that way for a long time now.

I feel guilty because I was craving attention from someone else, it scares me." "T don't know what you want me to say Carla," he said quietly. "T've told you before, I need you to make more of an effort Pete. I need you to tell me you love me more often, I want you to kiss me everyday..." He interrupted, "So this is my fault, I'm the asshole as usual." "No, I'm not saying that, I want more for us hun." After a few minutes I got up and changed into my pajamas. "Are we ok?" I said when I came back in. "Yeah," he said casually.

I told him about the rest of the afternoon, starting with the girls from the bathroom and what William thought was going on. I know William said it should stay between the four of us, but Pete was my husband, there was no one else I trusted more. Pete asked, "Is there going to be a problem with you working with him?" "No! I swear Pete," I wasn't prepared for that question, would he make me quit? "Ok, I trust you and I will try to make more of an effort." I smiled, "I love you, hun." He was much more understanding than he had to be and I knew it.